i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
