Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
