we're blogging at a bar
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
