garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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