moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
