I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
He better not be in your backpack
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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