I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize