where am i from again
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I have aggressive nipples.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
