I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
