fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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