using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
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