I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
