I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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