Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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