Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
