help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
