There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
