Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
