Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
