At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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