i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
