Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize