i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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