Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
