I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
i out mim tonsoeep
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
