I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
