Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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