Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
