just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize