We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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