I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
