I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
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