I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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