she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Randomize
