I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
