If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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