I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
