Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Randomize