i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
