your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
