Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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