I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
