I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
