So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
