So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
