i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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