Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
