I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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