i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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