Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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