dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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