Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
drinking out of a sandbucket again
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
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