I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
