the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I want to be your penis for a week.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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