Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
