just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Randomize