pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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