omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
