sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Randomize
