LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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