The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize