Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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