Where did you get a picture of my penis
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
