Just mADE A PArabola og urine
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
