her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
