so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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