Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i think i have two assholes
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
