I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
