Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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