Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize