I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Randomize
