party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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