that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
