so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
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