ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
