just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
