This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
