party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
