Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Randomize
