Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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