I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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