It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
