Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
