Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Randomize