So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
