You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
