My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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