I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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