Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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