I seem to have left my pride at pride
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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