She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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