I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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