Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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