Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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