I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
