i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
