just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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