Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
