Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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