Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
