I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
