well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
