sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
