idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
