So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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