I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
