After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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