Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
