I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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