Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
