last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
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