thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
