I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize