This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
