I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
